i permit you to call me
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
