does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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