So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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