I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
