What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
