So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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