im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
