I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
