I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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