The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
