my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
