To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
just tell him i said nine months
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
