Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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