im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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