just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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