eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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