She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just found a bag of teeth...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
