remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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