I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
