His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
