he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
