sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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