dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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