hotel room ftw
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
