I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
