Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
