I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
