I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
