I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Life without a bra equals bliss.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
