I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Hippo gnu deer
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My penis needs a shock collar
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
