I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
