i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
