Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
