This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
