I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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