sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
