I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
