I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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