so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You know, be my cock's hype man.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
