I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
