I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
