I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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