kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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