The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
