it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
