Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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