Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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