the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
