Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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