if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
