youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
