Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
