How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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