Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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