is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
